one, five

*warning* poem below contains triggering and sensitive material. Sexual violence, assault, and abuse are topics mentioned. 

when you look at me like that
you know I don't know what to do.
I freeze and stare back at you.

Washing my body again.
Over
And
Over
Again.

I feel bad for your wives
your kids' lives.
When I was young
predatory men
would feed me those same lies.

He brought his friends over to get me drunk.
I stumbled to the couch, unable to get up.
"Don't worry babe. We'll make you feel better about getting kicked out"
fucked me 
Again
and
Again.

I woke up with chapped lips and eyes
Pain along my thighs
A large tear in my pants
Phantom feelings of hands
Grabbing
Gripping
Groping

when i was fifteen.
​
Washing my body again.
Over
And
Over
Again.