Holding Space
Materials: spunlace nonwoven fabric, natural & synthetic light, wind, meditation cushions, bench
Holding Space is a site-specific installation made of 3’ wide strips of white polyester blended with cotton fabric (used to make surgical gowns) cut from a roll, the first iteration measured 12’ x 15’ x 9’ 10” made in September 2021. Cognitively this installation started from my commitment to leaving painting. Rule: focus on a single material and make a large-scale multisensory installation, do not use paint. Light entering from the east-facing windows interacts with the cloth creating warm lighting in the morning followed by cool tones in the afternoon. The cloth covers the windows, but opening the windows allows the audience to experience the oak trees, sounds of crinkling cloth, and lightness of the breeze.
Emotionally, Holding Space is a manifestation of my personal desire to release emotions related to my close friend’s murder. Travell is like a brother to me, but I did not make it to the funeral. If you have experienced the pain of not attending a loved one’s funeral, you know the hurt of mourning alone. My body ached from missing the communal healing of gathering. I yearned to listen and share stories of our beloved friend.
During installation I found myself going through many stages of grief. Anger fueled the physical labor aspects of making (I am still enraged). Calling my friends, journalling, and quiet walks along Cedar Lake became a regular routine outside of working on Holding Space. When I came back to the installation after these practices I found more availability within myself for play. I could emerge myself in wonder of the physical space and the material qualities of the cloth. Pools of cloth crunched in the corners of the alcove reminded me of the soothing motion of waves by the lake. This relaxation helped ease me from the chaos of emotions I was processing. Soft embraces of light shifting throughout the day, warmth from the golden lights accented with cool blue tones reflected sunset walks along the shore.
Creating a physical space to hold my emotions and hold myself with others helped me heal the pain of processing alone.
Emotionally, Holding Space is a manifestation of my personal desire to release emotions related to my close friend’s murder. Travell is like a brother to me, but I did not make it to the funeral. If you have experienced the pain of not attending a loved one’s funeral, you know the hurt of mourning alone. My body ached from missing the communal healing of gathering. I yearned to listen and share stories of our beloved friend.
During installation I found myself going through many stages of grief. Anger fueled the physical labor aspects of making (I am still enraged). Calling my friends, journalling, and quiet walks along Cedar Lake became a regular routine outside of working on Holding Space. When I came back to the installation after these practices I found more availability within myself for play. I could emerge myself in wonder of the physical space and the material qualities of the cloth. Pools of cloth crunched in the corners of the alcove reminded me of the soothing motion of waves by the lake. This relaxation helped ease me from the chaos of emotions I was processing. Soft embraces of light shifting throughout the day, warmth from the golden lights accented with cool blue tones reflected sunset walks along the shore.
Creating a physical space to hold my emotions and hold myself with others helped me heal the pain of processing alone.
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